The Vitamin Shop
If you are female and in your 30’s you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s the store that calls out to all women for the sure-fire solution to weight loss.
I’m convinced there isn’t a gal out there who hasn’t stared herself down in the mirror without thinking “What can I do to stop eating?”
The answer might be found in The Vitamin Shop.
“You want what?” says the pimple-faced 22-year-old standing on the other side of the GNC counter. The badge hanging off his Pearl Jam T-shirt reads “Steve.”
I know he heard me. I stare, and then pause. I’m hoping that if I wait a few seconds I won’t have to repeat myself in front of the two bulky men behind me shopping for FatZappers or steroids.
No luck.
I say it again. “Anything for weight loss. I’m feeling puffy lately.”
“Puffy? Are you doing anything differently?” Steve asks.
“Uh,” I try to look like I’m thinking but really I’m stalling.
Do I admit that I’m back on the pill in front of Hulk Hogan and his buddy Montezuma Man?
“Birth control” I whisper.
“BIRTH CONTROL?” he repeats.
Great, thanks.
“Yes, so what do ya got?” I’ve given up. Everyone in the store is here for the same reason I am. Why even try to be slick about it?
“Sure we got lots of stuff” Steve says.
He proceeds to tell me about the Water-Gone pills, BulgeBurners, Cortislim, and Trimspa.
Anna Nicole does look a lot better. But no, it’s not what I want.
“Anything else?” I ask.
Almost in slow motion Steve reaches down beneath the counter.
My heart is pounding. Could this be it? The ultimate solution to thinness forever and ever. I can’t wait any longer.
“I’ll take it!” I blurt out. Even before seeing the elephant-sized jar that he holds in his hand. The pills inside are even bigger.
But Steve has convinced me that this is the answer. Twice a day, without caffeine and no smoking.
I eagerly hand over my credit card.
On my way home I think about my latest purchase. Will it work? If it does will I be perfectly happy? I’m hoping to lose 10 pounds. If I lost it, would I want to lose 10 more?
Probably.
I know me. I’ll take the pills for a week. I might even drop 2 or 3 pounds. But then I’ll move on to something else. Something for my hair…or my closet…or my nails…the list goes on and on.
As I rethink my endless number of self needs I realize that lifelong satisfaction isn’t found in a jar.
But an afternoon and evening full of hope and anticipation might be.
I’m convinced there isn’t a gal out there who hasn’t stared herself down in the mirror without thinking “What can I do to stop eating?”
The answer might be found in The Vitamin Shop.
“You want what?” says the pimple-faced 22-year-old standing on the other side of the GNC counter. The badge hanging off his Pearl Jam T-shirt reads “Steve.”
I know he heard me. I stare, and then pause. I’m hoping that if I wait a few seconds I won’t have to repeat myself in front of the two bulky men behind me shopping for FatZappers or steroids.
No luck.
I say it again. “Anything for weight loss. I’m feeling puffy lately.”
“Puffy? Are you doing anything differently?” Steve asks.
“Uh,” I try to look like I’m thinking but really I’m stalling.
Do I admit that I’m back on the pill in front of Hulk Hogan and his buddy Montezuma Man?
“Birth control” I whisper.
“BIRTH CONTROL?” he repeats.
Great, thanks.
“Yes, so what do ya got?” I’ve given up. Everyone in the store is here for the same reason I am. Why even try to be slick about it?
“Sure we got lots of stuff” Steve says.
He proceeds to tell me about the Water-Gone pills, BulgeBurners, Cortislim, and Trimspa.
Anna Nicole does look a lot better. But no, it’s not what I want.
“Anything else?” I ask.
Almost in slow motion Steve reaches down beneath the counter.
My heart is pounding. Could this be it? The ultimate solution to thinness forever and ever. I can’t wait any longer.
“I’ll take it!” I blurt out. Even before seeing the elephant-sized jar that he holds in his hand. The pills inside are even bigger.
But Steve has convinced me that this is the answer. Twice a day, without caffeine and no smoking.
I eagerly hand over my credit card.
On my way home I think about my latest purchase. Will it work? If it does will I be perfectly happy? I’m hoping to lose 10 pounds. If I lost it, would I want to lose 10 more?
Probably.
I know me. I’ll take the pills for a week. I might even drop 2 or 3 pounds. But then I’ll move on to something else. Something for my hair…or my closet…or my nails…the list goes on and on.
As I rethink my endless number of self needs I realize that lifelong satisfaction isn’t found in a jar.
But an afternoon and evening full of hope and anticipation might be.
posted by Jan32 at 5:00 PM
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